


Transatlanticism

by trekkielibrarian



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Emotions, F/M, Fix-It, I need you so much closer, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Making Up, Once Upon A Time, Post-Episode s05e05, References to Depression, Star Trek Voyager: Once Upon a Time, Why don't these two ever talk to each other about anything?, Worst goodbye message ever so I fixed it, fight and make up, talk about your emotions you idiots!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27854026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkielibrarian/pseuds/trekkielibrarian
Summary: After a fight, Tom leaves on an away mission and both are left wondering where their relationship stands. A coda to the worst goodbye message ever in Once Upon a Time.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	Transatlanticism

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Toritotudette for the Beta!
> 
> I pretty much listened to Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism on repeat while thinking this one up and while writing it, so that's what I imagine playing during this whole thing. I also think of that song as being about a relationship that is apart not only physically but emotionally which seems perfect sense for these two in this moment.

B’Elanna sat in her office, surrounded by PADDs and coming up with more work to do just to avoid the conversation she feared was coming. She hadn’t seen Tom since the shuttle had come back. She knew he was back from Sickbay and in his quarters-just because she didn’t want to talk to him yet didn’t mean she didn’t care. She had been asking the computer for his status, checking on him. She was trying to drown herself in work to avoid remembering the fight they had had before Tom left on the away mission and then had gotten lost.   
*********

_Tom Paris entered B’Elanna’s quarters to find her sprawled out on her couch, one arm over her eyes. He knew she had heard him come in and wasn’t asleep. She peeked up from the couch and sighed._

_“Stop hovering Tom. I’m fine.”_

_“I’m not hovering, I’m just checking in on you. And I brought pizza.”_

_B’Elanna pulled her arm down, sat up from her couch to look at Tom, and rolled her eyes. He could tell she was trying to hold in her annoyance at him. “Checking on me for the fifth time in the last two hours. I told you, I’m fine. I’m handling this. And I still have old pizza around her from the last time you tried that trick.”_

_Tom walked towards her and sat down. He was worried about her. She hadn’t told him she had been hurting herself on the holodeck, she had been pushing him away, and she had been keeping her feelings to herself. Now that she was finally talking to him, she still wasn’t saying much._

_“B’Elanna, don’t shut me out.” His blue eyes pleaded with her to please let him stay, to open up, to talk to him._

_“I’m not. I just want to be alone.”_

_Tom sighed in defeat. “I just want to make sure you’re ok.”_

_“I told you, I’m doing fine. The Doctor gave me some meds that are really helping and I’m talking to Chakotay about it.”_

_Tom knew that of course she’d turn to Chakotay to talk about her depression and the loss of her Maquis friends back in the Alpha Quadrant. This was a pain they shared. But it didn’t make it sting any less that she had turned to someone other than him._

_“I know, I know, I just want you to talk to me.”_

_“I am talking to you.”_

_“You know what I mean.”_

_B’Elanna stood up and went to her replicator. “I know. It’s just hard.”_

_Tom followed her and gently placed his arms around her, the closest they’d been in weeks. She let him linger a moment, asked the replicator for banana pancakes, and then shrugged Tom off._

_“Tom,” she started._

_“B’Elanna, please. Don’t push me away.”_

_“I’m not pushing you away. I just want to handle this my way.”_

_“A way that doesn’t include me,” Tom scoffed._

_“I didn’t say that,” B’Elanna turned around, her voice getting louder._

_“But you meant it.”_

_“You have no idea what I meant,” she growled at him. “Don’t pretend you know what I’m thinking or feeling.”_

_“How could I when you won’t even tell me anything? You won’t talk to me! I thought we were in this together,” Tom’s voice raised, matching her tone._

_“We are,” she started._

_“Well, it doesn’t seem like it. You’re talking to Chakotay more than me.”_

_“Chakotay is a friend. Don’t bring him into this,” B’Elanna’s grabbed the plate from the replicator, her voice getting louder and her face showing more irritation._

_“Well, that’s a lot more than I am right now,” Tom huffed._

_“Tom don’t,” B’Elanna started._

_“No, you obviously don’t want me around right now.”_

_“If you stopped treating me like a child, maybe I would want you around,” she screamed. “I don’t need a babysitter.”_

_“I’m not treating you like a child. I’m showing you my concern. I’m worried about you,” Tom yelled back._

_“I don’t need you to worry about me. I’m not going to hurt myself again.”_

_“Yeah well, I wish I could believe that.”_

_B’Elanna stepped back and glared at Tom. She threw the plate of freshly replicated banana pancakes in his direction in her anger. “How dare you. If you can’t trust me, then why are you here?”_

_“I’m trying to help you, but if you don’t want my help, I don’t think I’ll stay around.”_

_“I don’t want you around if you can’t trust me.”_

_“Fine, I guess I’ll leave then.”_

_“Fine, go. See if I care. I’m done with this.”_

_Tom looked at her with anger and hurt in his eyes._

_“Don’t ask me to come back when you need help. I’m done playing this game with you, B’Elanna.”_

_“Just leave me alone.”_

_Tom turned around and stormed out the door. B’Elanna picked up the plate, now dripping with ruined pancakes and syrup, and smashed it against the closing door. Was that it? Was this really the end of her relationship with Tom? She slid down the wall and fell to her feet, her face in her hands. She was not going to let herself cry over him._

********

He had left on the away mission a few hours later. No goodbyes. She hadn’t even known he was leaving until Harry had mentioned it later that day. They would typically have talked when they could if one of them was away for more than a day, calling and checking in. But there were no calls this time. And then the shuttle ran into some storms and was delayed. And then they got lost. And the last words she had said to him were to leave her alone. 

Things hadn’t been good before he left and she had still been so worried and scared and sick the entire time the away team was gone. Did she even deserve to feel that way? She wasn’t even sure where they stood anymore. So she did what she always did-threw herself into her work. He hadn’t sought her out since he’d been back and she didn’t want to be the one to make the first move. 

There was a knock at her door that startled her away from her thoughts. 

“Hey Chief, we’ve been going over the shuttle damage,” Joe Carey stood in her doorway, looking a bit sheepish. 

“Thanks. You can just put the reports here,” she motioned to the pile on her desk, not looking up.

“Uh, it’s just….” Carey stammered. “Uh, we found something and I thought you would want to take a look at it.”

“I’ll look at it in the morning Joe.”

“No, I mean, it’s for you.” He stepped closer to her desk and handed her a small stick. “There was a message on the shuttle for you. I thought you’d want to see it.” At her puzzled expression he added, “It’s from Tom.”

B’Elanna looked away and she felt tears starting to sting her eyes. “Thanks,” she whispered. 

Carey started to leave and then turned, “Hey, B’Elanna?” She looked up at him, a terrified look on her face. “I know things haven’t been easy, but you two are good together. Don’t let one fight ruin it. If I had done that, my wife and I wouldn’t have made it past the first date.”

B’Elanna watched Carey leave and silently cursed the small ship. Did everyone on Voyager have to gossip about her personal life? What exactly did Joe Carey know about her relationship with Tom? 

She looked at the small stick that contained a message of sorts and felt a sense of dread. This was it-his message to confirm that things were really over. She had ended it and he hadn’t fought back. She didn’t want to watch this. She put it aside and picked up her PADD, but after a few minutes her eyes glanced back at the message. Stupid curiosity. She inserted the stick into her screen and there was Tom’s face, looking as miserable as she’d felt the past few days. 

“Hey,” Tom started, a hint of nervousness to his voice. “I don’t know why I’m recording this. I don’t even know if you’ll watch it. You probably don’t want to hear anything from me. But I just needed to tell you for me, the last year has been one of the best of my life.” His voice cracked and he looked away from the camera, trying to gather his thoughts. “But hey B’Elanna,” he tried to laugh. “Look on the bright side, no more day old pizza lying around. And you’ll never have to watch another chapter of Captain Proton again.” 

The computer’s voice interrupted Tom’s message and he sighed and looked away. “Warning. Life support has fallen to critical levels.” 

Tom looked back the camera. “Don’t mind the computer. She’s just jealous that I’m spending my last few minutes talking to you.” Tom looked down, a creased and worried expression on his face and blinked tears from his eyes. He appeared to be wondering what exactly to say. He looked up with a soft “So long.” And then the screen went blank.

In typical Tom fashion, he was using jokes as a final message. But she knew him better than that. She knew what he was really saying, that he had loved those little moments with her as much as she had loved them, even if she did like to complain about them. That was how they communicated-jokes and teasing and never anything more serious. Being vulnerable made it too easy to get hurt and so they pushed and pulled.

B’Elanna had known it had been bad, but she hadn’t let herself fully realize how dire their situation had been. She felt herself holding her breath and let out a shuddering sob. He had almost died. And she had been pushing him away. 

As this realization fully dawned on her, she jumped up from her desk and started running. She needed to see him, to hold him, to touch him. She ran through the corridors, not caring who saw her, the need to be near Tom pulling her towards him. She reached his quarters and didn’t think twice about keying in the code he had shared with her months ago. 

Tom heard the door swoosh open and looked up from his couch. “B’Elanna,” he started, but before he could say anything further she was rushing to him. He stood up and caught her in his arms as she jumped into them, her mouth finding his, her hands running through his hair. Their kiss was feverish and hungry, a million things being said without uttering a word.

B’Elanna started fumbling with Tom’s shirt and he started to walk her to the bedroom, kissing her jaw, her neck. He laid her down on the bed and they furiously tore their clothes off, needing to be close, needing the thrill of being together. 

As he entered her, their kisses became mingled with tears, his or hers, she wasn’t quite sure. With each thrust she whispered “I’m sorry.” As he held her he spoke “I’m sorry” and “I love you” against her skin. And as they both crested to a release, she knew they could come back from this. That this wasn’t the end. This was just the beginning.   
***  
Later, as they laid entwined together, Tom’s fingers running through her hair, Tom looked into her eyes. “I love you, you know.”

“I know. I love you too, you know.”

“I know.” He smiled and kissed her gently. “From now on, we always say goodbye, no matter what.”

“No matter what.”


End file.
